


Dreams that Would Awake Me

by jewelianna88



Category: Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:43:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewelianna88/pseuds/jewelianna88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joey has nightmares</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams that Would Awake Me

_  
I am tired, I am weary  
I could sleep for a thousand years  
A thousand dreams that would awake me  
Different colors made of tears  
-Velvet Underground, "Venus in Furs"_

“AAAHHHHHH!”

Joey woke with a start at the first scream, sitting straight up in bed, his heart pounded. The sound continued, coming from out in the hall. Someone was in horrible agony out there, and he leapt from his bed to find out what was wrong.

Stumbling into the hallway ready to attack, he saw only Lance and Chris, looking similarly alarmed.

“What’s going on?” Lance said, his voice panicky.

“It’s coming from Justin’s room.” Chris banged loudly on the door. “Justin, let us in!”

The screaming had stopped now, replaced by quiet whimpers just audible in the hall.

“Joey, go wake Johnny, get the spare key,” Chris commanded. Joey reacted immediately, running three doors down to their manager’s room, pounding with all his might.

“We need the key, Justin’s in trouble,” he blurted out. Johnny paused, still half asleep, precious moments ticking away as Joey grew more and more afraid. What if there was someone in there with Justin? What if he was bleeding to death as they stood right outside in the hall?

Johnny finally snapped out of it and handed Joey the master key that worked for every room in their block. Joey ran down the short hall back to Justin’s room, fumbling the key in the lock twice before it blinked green and the door opened.

The three of them sprang inside, ready to fend off whoever was torturing Justin. They were greeted by nothing, though, except dark stillness. From the light of the hall, a lump on the bed was illuminated. Justin lay curled into a tight ball, shoulders shaking with sobs.

Immediately, his friends were at his side.

“Justin? Hey, J, wake up, OK? You’re having a nightmare.” Joey shook Justin’s shoulder gently, then with a little more force when Justin did not stir.

Justin awoke with a start, recoiling from Joey’s touch. “What? What happened?”

“You were dreaming,” Lance explained. “Screamed so loud you woke Joey up across the hall.”

“Oh,” Justin said. He pulled the covers around him a little tighter, as if trying to wrap himself up safely from the demons of his dreams. “Sorry. It was just so real, you know?”

“Yeah. You OK?” Lance asked. When Justin nodded slightly, Chris and Lance stood. “Alright, back to bed,” Lance announced, taking the spare key from Joey. “You coming?”

“Just open my door and leave it propped,” Joey said. He rubbed soothing circles on Justin’s knee, sensing that Justin would never get back to sleep if they left now. His body was still tense and shaking. Nodding, Chris and Lance left, eyes already half closed as they returned to their beds.

“What was it about?” Joey asked, sitting down next to Justin.

“It was so scary,” Justin murmured, his voice low and frightened. “I was in this maze, this big hedge maze, you know? And I was lost, wandering around for hours. I kept calling for you guys, for my mom, for Trace, but no one answered me. I was so lonely, I could, like feel it inside and it hurt. Then the sun started to go down, and I was still wandering around, and I couldn’t get out. And there was this noise, this rumbling noise. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it was bad. Like, I could just tell that it was really bad. So I started to run, down this long stretch of the maze. When I turned to look over my shoulder, there was this big wave coming after me, and I couldn’t get away from it. My legs wouldn’t move and I was swept up and started to sink.” He took a deep breath. “That’s all I remember.”

“Wow,” Joey said. “That’s pretty scary.”

“Did I really scream?” Justin asked, his fear fading into embarrassment as he became more awake.

“Yup.” Joey smiled, hoping to set his friend at ease. “Quite the set of lungs you got there, too. I’m surprised that C didn’t wake up too.”

Justin snorted, sinking back into the pillows. “He can sleep through anything.” He let out a long yawn. “Thanks for waking me up, Joe.”

“You gonna be OK to get back to sleep, then?” Joey asked, already standing up and heading for the door.

“Mmmm-hmm,” Justin murmured. “Thanks.”

Joey took one last look at the bed, then slipped into the hall again, closing Justin’s door behind him. He wandered back into his own room and crawled beneath the covers, noting with a groan that his wake-up call was going to be coming in only a couple of hours.

**

The next morning, Justin showed up to breakfast with dark circles under his eyes. Joey slid further into the booth in the hotel's restaurant to make room, leaving his arm across the back of the seat so he could give his friend a hug as he slumped to the bench.

"How're you doing?" he asked, concern laced through his voice.

"Tired," Justin replied, but offered a weak smile. "I didn't get much sleep after that."

"After what?” JC asked from across the table. His face was twisted in confusion. "What happened?"

"Justin had a nightmare," Chris said. "Woke the whole damn hall up. Except you," he added, poking JC in the arm. "You'd probably sleep through the fire alarm going off and burn in your bed."

"It wasn't the whole hall," Joey said, noticing the way Justin bit his lip in embarrassment. "Just those of us with rooms right near you. And it's no big deal, happens to all of us occasionally."

"Not me," Chris said with an air of confidence.

"Oh yeah?" From his seat at the end of the table, Lance grinned. "What about that time you came running down the halls in Paris screaming that the gargoyles on the hotel roof were going to eat you alive?" They all laughed, remembering the panicky screams that had woken them during a concert in France years before. They'd found Chris cowering under a table at the far end of the hall, shaking with fear that the stone creatures were after him.

"OK, one," Chris said, "those things were freaky motherfuckers. And two, I was really, really drunk at the time, so you really can't hold that against me."

"We can hold anything we want against you," Joey said. "What's the point of having good information like that if you can't pull it out every now and then to embarrass your friends?" But to be fair, he did slide half of his last donut over at Chris.

Beside him, Justin tipped his head down to Joey's shoulder. "Just tell me I can rest later this afternoon."

"Sorry, J. We've got a radio interview this morning and then we're on a plane this afternoon. So make sure you pack your passport in your carry-on this time."

"'S in my pocket," Justin mumbled around a mouthful of powdered donut. The sugar tinted his lips white.

Across the room, Lou's voice boomed in their general direction. "OK, boys, let's get going, we don't have all day to sit and eat."

"Fucking been here ten minutes," Chris grumbled, getting up. Joey patted Justin's knee, encouraging him to move. Lou was getting even more demanding here than he had been when they were in Europe, and it was getting pretty old, Joey thought.

"You gonna be OK?” Joey asked again, watching as Justin forced himself awake to meet the crowd of fans waiting outside the hotel.

"Sure," Justin said. "I'm good." Joey watched, amazed, as his friend's face shed the last vestiges of sleep and he turned on his million-watt smile before leaving the hotel to sign autographs and wave to the fans.

"I don't know how he does that," JC commented to Joey as they stood on the hotel steps, waiting for security to escort them down to the bus.

"What?” Joey smiled in the general directions of the flash bulbs going off.

"Turn it on and off. It's like he's created this whole other persona for when the cameras are around."

Studying Justin, Joey realized how true that statement was. Justin's silly humor, his quiet compassion were gone. In their place was a cocky celebrity facade, posing for pictures and signing papers with an air of someone who'd been in this business for decades. It must have been sometime in the past year that developed, Joey thought, because he couldn't remember Justin being like that in Germany. The past year had changed them all, he thought, and not always for the better.

“Kid’s grown up in front of cameras,” Joey commented. Still, he watched Justin for a few more seconds, wondering what else he may have missed over the past few years.

**

Joey knew he was getting the reputation as kind of a man-slut. He’d seen the Internet posts and teen magazines talking about his wild nights on the town. While greatly exaggerated, he also knew that it was at least a little true. He’d come home from Europe to find that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, with not one but two different guys. Who could blame a guy for going a little crazy when you found out something like that?

It was getting kind of old, though. The endless clubs and blur of girls, and even the occasional boy or two, were growing tired. He collected phone numbers but never distributed them. Deep down, he was a monogamy kind of guy. He looked at his parents’ relationship and knew that was what he was looking for: loving, fun, and eternal.

Luckily, the months of promo were nearly done. Once the tour started, he’d be too busy for clubbing. It would be a welcome distraction, keeping his mind off of Kelly so he wouldn’t have to party her out of his system.

**

Lou was with at the end of January, which sucked big time. He always seemed to find a way to squeeze in just one more reporter, just one quick Internet chat. They got a lot more down time when Lou was off checking out other projects, leaving them in Johnny’s more lenient hands.

“Tour rehearsals start at the end of the month,” Lou told them, “in Jacksonville. We’ll kick off at the beginning of March. Looks like your opening act, at least for the first part, is going to be Britney Spears. I’ve arranged for some photo opportunities with the group of you.”

Across the table in their hotel suite, Justin and JC smiled. Joey had met Britney a few times back when she was on MMC, and she was a cute kid. He wouldn’t mind having her around, although how weird would it be to have a girl on tour with them after years of testosterone?

“Justin, I want you to find some time to take Britney out,” Lou was saying, and Joey stopped daydreaming, because that was an odd request.

Justin seemed to think so too. “What? Why?”

“The media’s already picking up on you two,” he said, “asking questions and such. It’d be good publicity for you both, a nice little American romance.” Lou seemed awfully proud of himself for that revelation. One thing, though.

“But I’m gay,” Justin said, emphasis on the last word. Lou’s face turned red.

“Jesus, kid. I’ve told you never to say that out loud. Bad enough we have to deal with it at all without you yapping all over the place, when God-only-knows who could be listening.”

Joey watched, horrified, as Lou kept lecturing. All around the table, the guys sat with eyes cast down, not wanting to even look at him when Lou got into one of his moods. “You’re just gonna take her to dinner a few times, maybe a movie or something. I’m not asking you to sleep with her or anything, just put up a nice front. For the sake of the group,” he said. It was cruel to throw that last line in, because Justin would do anything for the sake of the group.

After Lou had gone, Joey rested a hand on Justin’s should. He was the only one who hadn’t gotten up from the table. “C’mon, J. Lunch, and if you don’t hurry, JC’ll eat all the grilled cheese.”

When he looked up, Joey’s heart melted at the sad expression on Justin’s face. “Is it really so obvious that I have to have a fake girlfriend? I mean, I thought I was hiding it pretty well.”

Joey sat down. Jez, the poor kid’s head must be a mess. “Justin. First of all, you don’t have to hide it. You are who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. No matter what Lou says. And second, nothing is obvious. OK? You don’t flame.” He smiled as a look of relief crossed Justin’s face.

“Ok. I guess you’d know, right?” Joey smiled. It was their one truly deep bond, their affection for guys.

“I do. So come and get some food, OK? Chances are Lou will forget all about this by the time the tour begins.” He doubted it, but the white lie made Justin feel better and they left together for lunch.

**

The nightmares returned in Hawaii. They were doing the Pro-Bowl, which Joey had thought was going to be so cool until he found out that they didn’t get to go to the game, just sing at the kick-off party.

That night, in their big fancy hotel by the ocean, Joey was again woken up by Justin’s screams, this time coming from the room next door.

Springing from bed, he dashed into the hallway, remembering to stick the safety bar in the door crack this time so he didn’t lock himself out again. From two rooms down, he saw Chris emerging.

Joey gave him a half smile, then began pounding on Justin’s door. “Justin. Justin, open up!”

“Ssssh,” Chris said, shoving Joey away from the door. “You’ll wake the whole damn hotel.”

Joey shot him a look. “Like that’s not already doing it?” He gestured to the door, and started banging again. “J, wake up.”

Chris pulled a key out of somewhere and slipped it into the slot. Joey wondered vaguely where it had come from, but the door handle turned before he had time to ask.

Justin was sitting up in bed, shrieking in terror. One on either side of their friend, Chris and Joey shook at his shoulders, jostling him awake. His eyes opened with a blink of shock, and he flung himself into Joey’s arms, shaking.

“Hey there, hey, it’s OK,” Joey comforted, rubbing Justin’s back as Chris patted his knee. Slowly, the trembling began to subside and Joey could feel Justin take a few deep breaths before withdrawing from the embrace.

“Oh, God. It was so real,” he whispered, wiping at the beads of sweat on his forehead. “So real.”

“It’s OK, Justin.” Chris sat back, giving his friend space. “You’re fine now.”

“God, I’m so sorry. I’m like a little kid, having nightmares.”

“Night terrors, maybe” Chris said, “and it’s OK, really. Just stress, probably.”

Joey nodded in agreement, yielding to Chris’s superior knowledge of the human psyche. He volunteered to spend the rest of the night in Justin’s room, but was shooed away with Chris as Justin curled up under the covers once again. There was a wavering tone in Justin’s voice as he sent him away, though, that made Joey wonder if maybe he wasn’t more afraid of looking like a little kid than he was of the dreams.

And wasn’t it odd that Joey really kind of wanted to stay?

**

In the morning, they were fed a continental breakfast of stale bagels and cereal before loading their bags back onto a plane bound for the states. Joey could feel his head getting congested and knew it would be an awful flight. They’d flown from Sweden to Hawaii in only a few days, and the climate change was doing a number on his sinuses.

He downed a couple of decongestants before getting on the plane, praying they would bring fast relief. Lou had gotten them a small charter flight, so he could stretch out a little bit and relax after take-off. Beside him, Justin was reading The Grapes of Wrath, his final assignment for English.

“How’s that going?” Joey asked, nodding at the book.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Boring. I don’t know why this is considered a classic.”

“I did the play,” Joey said. “I should see if my mom’s got the video somewhere. I think it followed the book pretty closely.”

“Yeah?” Justin’s interest peaked. “I wish I could do plays. I mean, it sucks to just read them, not get to act them out, you know?”

Joey thought back to his high school days. His favorite part of English class had been when everyone was assigned a part and they got to read out loud during class. Too bad Justin didn’t get that, it really made assignments more interesting.

Justin had his face buried back in the book, his feet curled underneath him in the chair. Joey turned from him and leaned up against the window, wrapping a blanket over his shoulders. He was asleep within minutes, lulled by the quiet roar of the engines.

When he awoke, the captain was announcing their arrival. Beside him, Justin was fast asleep, leaning on Joey’s shoulder. Something stirred inside him as he watched Justin sleep, and he wondered what it would be like to kiss those cherry red lips. He shooed the idea away as foolishness, but Joey stayed there for a minute, lightly rubbing his cheek against Justin’s head, inhaling the scent of Armani cologne and hair gel, before easing Justin back to his own seat and buckling both of their seatbelts for landing.

**

Because of their hectic schedule, Justin’s birthday celebration had to be postponed into mid-February. To make up for the delay, the guys planned a club-hopping spree in New York, one which Justin could finally accompany them on, showing off his ID with glee to every bouncer, even the ones that didn’t ask.

Chris had suggested they start slow and work up to the more insane nightspots, so the first place they hit was a run-of-the-mill top 40s dancehall. They stayed for a while, but were getting so mobbed that the club owner gladly opened the back exit for their escape, muttering about fire codes and crushing deaths as they darted out the door into the waiting limo.

“We can go to more, right?” Justin was bouncing in his seat, watching the lights of the city flash outside the window. “That’s not it, is it?”

“Relax, dude. We’ve got you covered.” JC started to sing along with the radio, nodding his head to the rhythm as they wove through traffic.

Across the limo, Joey straightened the gold bracelet on his wrist, watching his friends. He’d tried to convince Chris that they should hit a gay club, but he’d been vetoed. Too risky, they’d said, even though they all knew it would make Justin a lot happier than all the random mainstream nightclubs in Manhattan.

Somewhere around midnight, Joey found himself watching Justin on the dance floor. The multicolored lights were playing off of Justin’s blonde hair, creating a swirling crown of color as Justin bounced across the floor. His arms were up, his eyes half-closed, and a deep, sated smiled curved on his lips. Joey was suddenly struck by what he saw. This wasn’t Justin. Justin was young, goofy, and all gawky arms and legs. The man on the dance floor was a sex god.

“Hey. Hey. Hey hey hey hey hey.”

He continuously poked Chris, who was sitting next to him in the booth, until his friend pulled his lips off of the brunette of the hour and turned to Joey with a disgruntled “What?!”

“When did Justin get hot?” Joey asked, eyes still on the dance floor.

“What?”

“Justin. When’d he get so hot?”

Chris looked out at the dance floor, then back at Joey. “Are you on something? It’s just Justin.”

Joey gave an annoyed grunt. “That’s my point. It is just Justin. So, when’d Justin turn into that guy out there?”

Chris was already moving back to his girl. “I dunno, man. Go ask JC or something.”

Unfortunately, JC was nowhere to be found. Joey spotted Lance at the bar trying to discretely be served, without much success. Joey took pity on him, bought him a Jack and Coke. He got a beer for himself, then moved to a spot against the wall to watch.

It wasn’t long before Justin glanced up and caught him looking. Joey darted his eyes around, bouncing a little. When he looked back, Justin was still staring. Feeling incredibly uncomfortable, Joey moved onto the dance floor. Unconsciously, or perhaps on purpose, he made his way through the dancers until Justin was only a few feet away. He turned to see the blonde’s eyes were still on him. Up close, Justin’s eyes looked like that weird iridescent crystal his mom liked, picking up all the colors from the strobes. Joey absent-mindedly ground against some girl, never taking his eyes off of Justin. They stayed that way for several songs, not dancing together, just watching.

Finally, Justin made his way back to their booth, which was thankfully empty. Joey slid in a moment later, two drinks in hand.

“You were watching me.” Not a question from Justin, just a flat-out statement.

“Yeah.”

“How come?”

“There’s something different about you.”

Justin raised an eyebrow. “There is?”

“Yeah, but damned if I know what.”

Justin shrugged and adjusted the cuffs of his shirt.

“You-” Joey was cut off by someone stopping by to ask them for an autograph. Fuck, he was sick of hearing that. When the stranger was finally gone, he leaned in to Justin.

“You see any hotties here tonight?” It was a game, checking out boys with Justin. Fun, sure, but they had never been checking out each other before. Joey thought he should be more weirded out by that than he was.

Justin took a sip, leaned back, half-closing his eyes. The “just got laid” look the guys teased him about. Joey gulped. “Maybe.”

“Maybe? Like who?” Joey was intrigued. “Cause, I only saw one that caught my eye. And that’s just. One. Man.” Stop talking, stop talking, his brain yelled.

“You only need one- if it’s the right one.” Justin said, and then he winked- WINKED- at Joey. Eep. Time to bail. Joey was a firm believer that when things got uncomfortable, it was best to run, run away.

“Don’t go getting all philosophical, Timberlake. C’mon, we’re dancing.” He dragged Justin out of the booth, before he got the urge to do something naughty in the dark corner.

They spent another hour at the hip-hop club before moving on to their final destination. There wasn’t a name over the door, just a big black square with the anarchy symbol painted in red.

“Here?” Lance looked around nervously at the dark street. “Are you sure this is the place?”

“I swear it,” Joey said, climbing out of the car. He’d been here before with friends from Brooklyn, who swore it was the most extreme club in the city before you got into the naked end of things.

There was no line at this club, and no music poured out into the streets. The bouncer eyed them critically, staring a long time at Justin’s ID before stepping aside to let them enter.

When the door opened, the noise that assaulted them was almost overwhelming. The club was a mass of black, leather, and lace combined in a dazzling show of gothic design.

“Oh my God!” Justin exclaimed, jumping up and down. “This place is so cool!” He practically dragged them out onto the dance floor, losing himself in the rhythms that throbbed from the speakers.

Joey clung close to Justin as they made their way into the crowd. Everyone was wearing black, but Justin was easy to pick out by his curly hair. They danced a few songs in the crowd, hanging on the fringes of the more intense action. Cages lined the walls, with girls in vinyl boots dancing inside.

Suddenly the music slowed and a cheer went up from the crowd. The frantic dancing morphed into seduction as Eastern-style music filled the club.

“What is this?” Justin asked, standing still in a sea of writhing bodies.

“Velvet Underground,” Joey replied. “Listen.” As Lou Reed began crooning about shiny boots of leather, Joey slung an arm low on Justin’s hip, showing him how to bend his knees and sway to the music. He watched Justin’s eyes close as he lost himself in the melody, raising his arms over his head. Joey shifted closer, tugging Justin toward him.

Big mistake. Close quarters, bumping hips, grinding- oh God. His brain suddenly caught up with his body and he realized what was going on. That was Justin’s ass he just groped. Shit This was not good. He prayed he had developed enough control in 22 years to keep his dick down. Time to run again.

He looked around and saw JC emerging from the bar area. He dashed over, made some excuse that must have sounded like complete babbling, and was out the door into the limo in under a minute. The car was about to pull away when the door opened and Justin dove in.

“What the-?”

Justin slammed the door. “All it takes in one,” he said, and crawled across the floor to Joey. He placed a hand on either side of Joey’s knees and leaned in for a kiss.

It was hot and fast, and by the time Justin leaned back, Joey was gasping for breath.

“That’s what’s different about tonight.”

“Huh?” Joey was pretty sure his dick was sucking all the blood away from his brain, because he had no idea what Justin was talking about.

“You said something was different. That’s what’s different.”

“Oh. I meant, like, your hair or something.” He reached up, meaning to ruffle Justin’s curls, but instead found himself stroking.

“Oh. Well, maybe. I just. I told myself that tonight I’d.” Justin blushed.

“You’d what?” Joey stopped stroking and pulled his hand back to his lap.

“That I’d kiss you.”

“Me?” Joey made a face. “Why?” Guys never wanted to kiss him, which was the one downfall of being the straightest bisexual man on earth.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Cause you’re hot. Cause I like you. I dunno. But I mean, I thought. When I saw you looking at me, I thought it was mutual thing, but whatever. I didn’t mean to presume-“

“Would you shut up a sec? Jeez.” Joey ran a hand over his face. “So, um. Is this, like- are you gonna do it again?”

Justin looked up, surprised. “Do you want me to?”

Joey almost laughed at the absurdity of that. “Um, hello. Yeah I do.”

Justin leaned in and met Joey’s lips with his own in a silent response.

They arrived at the hotel red-lipped and breathing heavy, only to separate on their way back up to the room. The ride in the elevator was awkward, and Joey started to panic about what was going on.

“Um, goodnight,” Justin said, one hand on his doorknob, the other on Joey’s arm.

“ ‘Night.” Joey took the last couple of steps to his room, pausing to watch Justin disappear. He was getting ready for bed when a knock came at the door between their rooms.

“Just, um.” Justin fidgeted nervously before leaning close, kissing Joey’s mouth with warm, soft lips. When he drew away, his eyes were closed, and Joey could still feel his lips there, phantom kisses on his lips.

“Goodnight,” Justin said. There really hadn’t been anything resolved, and he had no idea what it meant, but after Justin went back to his room, Joey slept soundly.

**

Another night, another dream, and another jar from sleep at Justin’s screams. Joey was halfway to the door before he realized that Justin had the room next to his. He lurched for the connecting door instead.

Justin was sitting up again, awake already. He clutched his chest with one hand, fingers twisted in his shirt.

“Shit,” he gasped, looking at Joey. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yeah.” Joey paused, halfway to the bed. “You OK?”

“I think. Yeah.” He took a few deep breaths, experimentally. “Sorry.”

Joey shrugged.

“Seems like I’m always apologizing to you lately,” Justin said. Joey cocked his head. Justin’s tone was so sad, so lonely.

“Justin, hey.” Joey closed the distance to the bed, close enough to touch Justin’s hand, run a hand through his curly hair. “Don’t worry about it man. I’m here, if you need me.”

“Thanks, Joey.” Justin smiled, sleepily. “Will you leave the door open?”

“Sure. Goodnight.”

Justin muttered something, but it was too soft to hear. Joey wished he could steal the dreams right out of his head, but it wasn’t possible. Instead, he watched Justin’s shoulders relax as he fell back to sleep and wondered how he was ever going to explain to his parents that he was falling for Justin Timberlake.

**

Eventually, Joey just started leaving the door open between their rooms. Sometime during the night, Justin would wake up shaking and wander into Joey’s room. There, he would crawl into Joey’s bed, hugging the edge as he fell back to sleep. Sometimes, Joey would hear him, and mumble some kind of comforting words to Justin’s shaking back. More often, he’d awake in the morning to an armful of teenager, his face pressed into Justin’s curly hair. He wasn’t complaining because it was a wonderful way to wake up, all warm and twisted together. But something in him knew it wasn’t right, that Justin couldn’t solve his problems by running from them every night.

He didn’t stop it, though. They were on the road, which meant many nights in strange hotel rooms. It wasn’t the time for a battle of wills, not when he was so tired from crossing time zones and giving interviews that simply keeping his eyes open was a struggle. Nothing else had happened between them since the night at the club, and Joey was beginning to think he had imagined the whole thing.

One night about two weeks into their whirlwind promo tour, Joey was nearly asleep when he heard footsteps. Just Justin, in the room next door, going to the bathroom. But instead of fading away, the steps grew closer until they were right next to the bed. The mattress sagged, and Joey rolled with it, catching Justin by surprise.

“What’re you doing?” Joey asked. He immediately regretted his harsh tone as Justin winced.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He had frozen on the edge of the bed, one foot still on the floor.

“You didn’t, I was still up.” Joey turned on the light, basking the room in a soft yellow glow.

“Oh.” From the expression on Justin’s face, he’d clearly thought Joey was asleep. “Sorry, I just. You never seemed to mind, and I thought.”

“Justin. It’s one thing when you wake up all spooked. But you can’t just sleep here. It’s not right.”

Justin gnawed on his lower lip. “Look, it’s not like that. But the dreams only come when I’m alone, so I just come in here and sleep.” He looked at Joey, pitifully. “I need to sleep, Joey, I really do. I can crash on the couch or something, but can’t I just stay here?”

Joey shifted down on the bed, tugging at the covers. “Alright, sure. But tomorrow, we do something about this, OK? Cause you need to be able to sleep in your own room.”

“OK.” Justin slid down under the sheets, rolling to his side to face Joey. “Thanks, Joey.” He smiled a little, tucking one hand under the pillow.

“No problem.” Joey turned out the light again, and punched his pillow for good measure before lying down and falling asleep.

**

When he woke, Joey was aware of two things: he was wrapped up in Justin’s arms and the alarm was blaring.

Smacking the snooze button, Joey tried to extract himself from Justin’s tangled limbs. The room was glowing with the morning sun that filtered through the drapes. In the weak light, Justin looked like a kind of faerie prince, his expression peaceful as he lay in Joey’s bed.

Finally free, Joey stood and stretched beside the bed. Barefoot, he padded into the bathroom, turning on the shower to let the water heat while he relieved himself. He climbed into the shower humming old U2 songs, breaking into the chorus of Desire as he rinsed soap from his hair.

When he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and grabbed his underwear. Steam followed him out of the bathroom, to where Justin lay on the bed watching him with wide blue eyes.

“Good morning,” he called, trying not to start too hard at Justin’s naked chest. He should have jerked off in the shower, he thought, because now his dick was stirring as Justin stretched lazily on the bed, scratching his stomach.

“Morning.” Justin smacked his lips, then swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking for slippers. He never walked barefoot on hotel floors, fearing foot disease. Joey was just too lazy to bother with socks and slippers himself.

“How much time do we have?” Justin asked, walking back to his room.

“About half an hour. Breakfast in Chris’s room!” he yelled, watching Justin wave without turning. Joey grinned. He’d thought maybe Justin would say something this morning, offer an apology or explanation for his sudden need for a bedtime companion, but he’d given him nothing. Of course, Joey realized as he dressed, he’d forgotten about Justin’s less-than-stellar morning personality.

Tugging on worn jeans and sneakers, Joey grabbed his Superman emblem and baseball cap. He packed everything, did a quick room check, then dumped his bag in the hall for pickup, strolling down to breakfast.

“Mmmm, coffee.” Lance handed him a Dunkin’ Donuts cup and two chocolate frosted, which he bit into hungrily. There was no better way to start the day than caffeine, fat, and sugar.

When Justin arrived, everyone commented on how much more rested he looked. He nodded sleepily, grabbing a bowl of Oreo O’s. As Johnny dragged them away soon after, Joey snagged Justin’s sleeve, pulling him back.

“Today, J. We’ve gotta few free hours this afternoon, and we’re gonna do some research.” Justin nodded, then jogged to catch up with Chris.

**

Research, Joey found, was best done in quiet places. Certainly not on a bus with 16 other people, some of whom insisted on singing Tupac at the top of their lungs. He didn’t know how Justin and Lance had ever done homework in this environment.

Tucked into his bunk, Joey lay on his stomach flipping through pages on Lance’s laptop. He’d stuck in an encyclopedia CD and was trying to find out stuff about causes of nightmares or night terrors. Maybe he’d try the Internet when they got back to the hotel.

“Finding anything?” Justin asked, popping his head through the curtain.

“Actually, yeah. Most of it’s pretty boring, but some of it makes sense. What Chris said about stress- that’s a big part of it, they say.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Well, I can’t exactly de-stress my life. You know, cancel concerts or anything.”

“I know. This one says something about your bedtime routine. Says you should examine it for all these factors that can contribute to nightmares.”

“Cool. We can do that.” Justin glanced at the screen, but his attention was clearly up in the front of the bus.

Joey frowned. “Hey, why am I doing all the work here? Since when is this a 'we’ thing?”

“I deal with this stuff all night long. I can’t spend all day too, or I’ll go crazy.” Joey sighed. Justin squeezed his hand and bounced up to kiss his cheek. “OK. Come play with us. This is enough for now.”

Who could refuse that? Joey powered down the laptop and climbed down.

**

The maids must have turned the heat up, because the room was stifling when they got back. Joey felt like his head was wrapped in a blanket, the heat was so oppressive.

While Justin fooled with the temperature, Joey wandered around the small suite. It looked just like his, only decorated in blues rather than greens.

“OK,” Justin said, rubbing his hands together nervously. “Just do everything I did last night?”

“That’s what the article said,” Joey replied. He looked around. This was more uncomfortable than he’d imagined. Settling into an easy chair in the corner, Joey smiled. “I’ll just sit here and, um. Watch.”

“You gonna take notes or anything?” Justin laughed lightly, easing the mood.

Joey smiled back, then settled into the chair as Justin flopped onto the bed and flipped on the TV.

“I can’t watch the same shows,” Justin commented. “Do you think that matters?”

Joey wasn’t sure, so he shrugged. “We’ll just have to see.”

Justin thought a moment, then shrugged in return. After a little while, he got up and grabbed a couple of Cokes from his bag, tossing one to Joey.

“You know, they’re cold ones in the minibar,” Joey said, cracking the top of the can.

Justin snorted. “Those cost five bucks each, man. Lou’d kill me. Go get some ice if you want it cold.”

Joey shrugged and drank it warm. He didn’t need to deal with the crowd in the hallway.

After watching ER and part of the news in relative silence, Justin sighed and flipped off the television. “Guess I’ll get ready for bed now,” he announced, stretching his arms over his head.

Joey waited while Justin did his thing in the bathroom and came back out to change for bed. He pulled a pair of boxers from his bag and turned his back, changing swiftly. Joey sucked in a breath as he watched Justin’s naked backside bared then covered up again all too quickly. A tease, he thought, and wondered how long this would take, until he got home to use that image.

Realizing he was staring, Joey blinked and met Justin’s eyes, noting the small smile on his face. When Justin spoke, his voice was quiet. “I. Um. I have to do everything, right?”

“That’s what the article said.”

“OK. Well, um. Can you, like, turn around for this part?”

Joey stared for a moment, then realized what Justin was saying. “Oh! Yeah.” Fumbling, he turned the chair to face the corner then licked his lips. This was uncomfortable. “OK?”

“OK.”

Joey sat, crossing his legs one way, then the other, trying not to think about what was going on behind him. He started to sing through his parts from the Graveyard Revue in his head, anything to keep his mind busy. He heard the soft gasps coming form behind him, and the slick sounds of skin over oiled skin. He’d gone through the Revue twice and moved onto reciting multiplication tables when he heard it: a buzzing low and constant, that could only be one thing. With a gulp, he slowly poked his head around the winged-back chair. Even knowing what he would see, he wasn’t prepared.

Justin lay backward on the bed, feet propped against the headboard, knees bent. One hand held his cock against his stomach, stroking slowly. The other hand held a slim cream-colored vibrator, lightly running along his balls. Every so often, it would dip lower, out of sight. That was OK, though-- Joey could imagine. Praying Justin wouldn’t see him, Joey watched as Justin fumbled for a bottle at his side, pumping out a drop of glistening fluid. He rubbed it into that area between his legs that Joey couldn’t see. Joey watched, rapt with attention, as Justin brought the vibrator down again, and slipped the tip inside. His hips thrust up wildly, hand moving so quickly on his cock that it was just a blur of motion.

Joey gasped, loudly, one hand on the chair arm, the other unconsciously cupping his won erection in his lap. He’d seen some of the best porn available, but this was better. And when Justin rolled his head to the side to stare right at Joey as he came, shooting streaks of white up his stomach, Joey bit the inside of his cheek and used ever ounce of his reserve not to spunk his jeans.

As the buzzing sound suddenly stopped, Joey realized what had just happened. Guilt washed over him in tsunami-sized waves. He started to formulate apologies, excuses, as Justin got up and walked toward him with careful, measured steps. Naked and glorious, he stood just behind Joey, so that Joey had to look up over his shoulder to see.

“Like that?” Justin asked, and it took a good long moment to realize that it wasn’t anger or embarrassment but seduction in Justin’s tone. Joey could barely comprehend what was going on before Justin was rounding the corner of the chair, dropping to his knees in front of him. Joey realized his right hand was still on his dick and he yanked his arm back, fast.

“You’re right,” Justin said, and then his hands were there, on Joey, on Joey’s zipper. “This one’s mine,” he said, then wrapped those perfect pink lips around Joey’s cock and the world seemed to spin into oblivion.

**

For the second day in a row, Joey awoke to Justin’s embrace, only this time he was naked. The alarm wasn’t due to go off for another 10 minutes, so he rolled back into Justin, smiling as an arm tightened around his midsection. Enjoy this, he thought, because already voices in his head were heaping on the guilt.

Behind him, Justin stirred, and Joey felt Justin’s cock in his back. It was hard and ready. The feeling of it leaking on his skin enough to send blood rushing to Joey’s own raging hard-on.

Carefully, he began to stroke himself, working his hips ever so slightly to keep Justin’s cock pressed at his back. He gasped when hands came around to meet him.

“Weren’t you even gonna wake me?” Justin mumbled into his ear. Joey laughed and flipped around, facing Justin. He reached down and begin to stroke Justin’s cock as Justin’s hands circled his own. He came first, by a moment, moaning into the sheets as his hands kept going until Justin came seconds later.

Joey couldn’t help but grin. “Good morning.”

“Now it is.” Justin leaned forward, slightly, then hesitated. Joey took the initiative and closed the distance for a kiss.

“We didn’t do that last night,” Justin commented, quirky smile dancing on his lips.

“Then we should do it again now.” Joey kissed him again, only to be interrupted by the blaring alarm.

“Shit.” He rolled back and smacked the button, hurting his hand.

“Shower?” Justin asked, already climbing unashamedly naked from bed.

“Again?” Joey’s eyes widened and Justin smiled.

“Come on, Superman.” Justin grabbed his hands and tugged him up, laughing as they raced to the bathroom.

**

At breakfast, Chris eyed them critically. “You two are hiding something.”

“No, we’re not,” Joey said, but Justin’s giggle gave it away.

“Does this have anything to do with those noises?” JC asked, suspiciously. Joey blushed. “Aww, man. Tell me y’all didn’t have sex last night.”

“Not sex,” Joey said, watching JC’s face sigh in relief. “Just a blow job.”

Lance spit out his juice and Chris’s face lit with glee. JC was choking on his coffee, but all Joey did was blow Justin a kiss and smile.

**

For the next three nights, they were on the bus. Joey hated promo- it was all hurry here, hurry there, then wait around for a 30 second interview, with the occasional one-song performance. He like tours much better, with their consistent schedule, lost of performing, and less media buzzing around them like insects on a dead animal.

It didn't help that three days on the bus meant three days without a moment alone with Justin. Justin was more than eager to squeeze in a few kisses in the bus bathroom or TV studio dressing room, but it wasn't enough, nowhere near enough. It was like giving a drop of water to a thirsty man- just a tease, not even close to quenching his desires.

Justin seemed oblivious to it all, which made things so much worse for Joey. He walked around shirtless a lot, showing off that smooth chest, and he kept stretching for things, the long line of muscle straining from his fingertips all the way down to the waistband of his track pants.

"Pretty little thing, ain't he?” Chris laughed at Joey's dumbfounded expression. "Cheer up, Joe, he's all yours when we get to New York."

It couldn't come soon enough.

**

There hadn't been any dreams on the bus, thankfully. The whole 'not when other people are around' argument, Joey supposed. Still, he was disappointed because it meant that the first night in New York, Justin kissed him goodnight and gently close the door between them. Groaning in frustration, he used his hands for relief, coming with images of Justin on his mind. He slept restlessly, tossing and turning until late. Finally, he gave up and walked to the bathroom, wincing at the bright light. He drank a glass of mineral-y tasting water in one long swallow.

On the way back to bed, he paused by the door between rooms, wondering what was going on beyond. He pressed an ear to the panel, straining to hear. There was something there, something stirring. Faintly, he could hear the sounds.

"No, no. Please, no."

Quickly turning the knob, he flung the door open and flew to the bedside. Justin's body was coiled tense, drenched in sweat. He quaked, tossing his head about, crying out. "No! No, please, don't, no!"

Joey shook firmly at his shoulder, calling him awake. "Justin. Hey! Justin. Wake up." Eyes flew open, wide in fear. They softened as he focused on Joey.

"Oh, God. Not again."

'It's OK, Justin."

"I thought. I mean, we tested it, and I hadn't had one for a few days, so." Tugging on his hair, Justin tried to relax. Joey's heart went out to him, poor guy. He rubbed Justin's shoulder, soothing away the tightness there.

"It's OK," Joey repeated, not knowing what else to say. He sat down next to Justin, wrapping himself around his friend in a full-body hug.

"Will you stay?" Justin pled, moving over on the bed.

"Of course." Joey stretched out beside him, tugging a pillow under his head. One arm went underneath it, the other draped across Justin's waist, holding them close together. "Sleep now."

"Mmm." Justin's breathing eased and soon Joey felt himself falling asleep too, rest coming easier together than for either man on his own.

**

Their hotel had a great gift shop, Joey discovered the next morning. He and JC were doing a radio show together while the other three headed over to inspect staging for their evening performance. JC was late, of course, which left Joey wandering around the gift shop, browsing through the books and CDs that were on display amongst the souvenirs and New York City mementos.

"Hey, Joe, you ready?” JC was bouncing up and down in the doorway, hair still wet.

"Yeah." Joey paid for some candy and stuffed it in his backpack. "You're gonna freeze," he warned as they dashed outside to the waiting car. Joey sent up a silent prayer of thanks that it was too cold and too early for mobs of fans.

"Oh, well." JC ran a hand through his wet hair. "Did you stay with J again last night?"

"From about 3 on." Joey closed his eyes and rested his head back against the seat. He needed caffeine.

"Poor kid. He needs, like, dream therapy or something. It's good that he has you."

Joey opened his eyes again, one eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Seriously," JC continued. "Cause, like, Chris is a great influence and all, but he doesn’t really deal well with this kinda thing. You know, like, he'd just tell J to take sleeping pills or something. It's good that J has you."

"You don't think it's weird?" Joey asked. "I mean, I won't insult you by saying you're gonna disapprove or anything, but. It's weird to me, you know. Justin." He smiled, wryly. "Who'd've every thought me and Justin?"

"It's weird, man, but it's cool. Not that it's OK for naked time on the bus or anything, but it's cool."

"Thanks, man." Feeling better, Joey listened to JC babble about their upcoming tour until they arrived at the station.

**

The day was chaos. They were rushed from the station to rehearsal to a signing to their appearance. By the time they got back to their hotel, morning was a distant memory. Justin hovered close to his back as Joey opened the door.

"Um, Justin? You're in 1217." He tapped the number 1215 on his door.

"I know, I just. Can I stay with you? I'll sleep on the couch if you want, but I just. I don't have those dreams when I'm with you.

Joey's heart melted at the sadness and pleading in Justin's eyes. He couldn't turn him away. Opening the door, he ushered Justin inside, a hand lingering at the small of Justin's back as he passed.

Once inside, Joey wasn't sure what to do, so he lingered near the door. As much as he wanted to drag Justin to the mattress and fuck until sun-up, he didn't want to rush things along. Instead, he stepped behind Justin and laid his hands on Justin's shoulders, feeling them shudder beneath him.

"We don't have to do anything," he whispered into Justin's ear, hands slipping down Justin's arms, then stroking back up, fingers sliding under the sleeves of Justin's T-shirt. Justin leaned into his touch, tipping until his back rested against Joey's chest.

Joey wrapped his arms to Justin’s front, twining their fingers together at Justin's waist. He pressed his lips on Justin's ear, repeating his promise. "We don't have to do anything."

"I know," Justin breathed, turning his head. "But I want to." He touched his lips to Joey's in a quick kiss, then drew away an inch. "I want to." Then he kissed him again, open mouthed, hungry and eager.

Joey's head spun. He kissed back, tightening his grip at Justin's waist. When Justin used his tongue to part Joey's lips, Joey responded with his own, tasting and melding their mouths together. It was delirious. Justin wasn't a particularly skilled kisser, but so passionate, so earnest, that he made up for any lack of technique with the sheer joy of kissing. Joey lifted one hand and anchored Justin’s head, tangling his fingers in Justin's soft curls. Justin moaned softly into Joey's mouth, and Joey absorbed the sound with an even deeper kiss.

Justin twisted suddenly, turning to press his groin against Joey's, to throw his arms around Joey's neck to draw them together. Between them, two pendants clanged, the clash of metal strong contrast to the soft wet sounds of kisses. Joey’s hands found bare skin beneath Justin's shirt, pulling the fabric up to reveal more skin, rushing to touch every inch of muscle, every bump of vertebrae. With a jolt, Justin drew back and tossed the shirt over his head, scrambling to shed Joey's sweater and T-shirt next. When they met again, it was all new, legs alternating like a zipper, chests pressed together providing heat and the glorious sensation of skin on skin, friction on nipple. Joey’s groaned when Justin raked the backs of his fingernails over his chest, rubbing over nipples to bring them to sharp points. He kept his arms on Justin's shoulders, massaging gently as Justin traced his body.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Justin gasped, ruffling the light hair on Joey’s chest, drawing lines around his abs, tickling his sides. The thing was, Joey felt beautiful beneath Justin’s hands.

“You’re more,” Joey said, meaning it completely at he kissed Justin again. “You’re a dream come true.” He left kisses on Justin’s neck, bending at the knee as he kissed lower. His cock was swollen and aching in his pants but he left it alone to taste more of Justin.

“Not a dream,” Justin gasped as Joey took a nipple in his mouth and sucked lightly. Justin grasped Joey’s head in his big hands, pulling him back so their eyes met. “I’m real. Real,” he said, then took two steps back to the bed.

Justin sat on the edge, and Joey kneeled before him. They kissed again, more heated this time, both knowing where it was going. Justin’s hands were busy on his belt as Joey worked on Justin’s.

Stepping free from his pants, Joey took the moment to grab condoms from his backpack before climbing onto the bed beside Justin.

“Have you done this before?” he asked. A moment of seriousness, but he couldn’t keep his hands from Justin’s smooth skin as he waited for an answer.

Justin nodded, biting at his lips. “A few times. As a-- as a top.”

“OK.” Joey urged Justin to lift his hips and slid down layers of pants and underpants.

He twisted long strokes up Justin’s cock. It was narrow but long, and the thought of it inside of him was irresistible. Still, Joey took his time here, alternating fast and slow strokes, trying to copy what he’d seen Justin doing before. He crossed the head with his thumb and Justin let out a sharp gasp.

Finally, as Justin grew more and more excited, Joey grabbed a condom and opened it with his teeth. Justin bit his lip as Joey slid the rubber over him, causing Joey to send up a prayer that the kid wouldn’t come before they even got started. He accepted a handful of lotion from Justin that had come out of somewhere, Joey wasn’t quite sure, but it didn’t matter, it was there. Joey gave it only a few more strokes before rolling to his stomach. “Two fingers,” he said, hoping Justin understood. He felt a drop of lotion on his ass and shivered in anticipation. God, it had been so long since he’d done this, even longer since it’d been with someone he’d know for more than a few hours.

There was pressure, and then Justin was there, just a bit, then more, deeper. Joey let out a low groan, a deep exhalation as Justin worked one finger in deep, then toyed with two before sliding them both inside. It sent tremors up and down his spine as Justin worked him, inside and out. Joey shifted on the bed, getting a hand underneath him so he could thrust into something as Justin slid his hand back and forth. It was overwhelming, the sensations rippling through every part of him. “OK,” he gasped. “Now, Justin.”

Then there was an even greater pressure, Justin’s strong hands prying his ass apart, cock pushing inside in a steady motion. Joey pushed to relax his muscles as Justin entered.

“Tell me when,” Justin moaned, his voice coming out in a rich arpeggio. Joey’s legs quivered to hold as he adjusted, blood running to his head where it bent to touch the bed.

“Go,” he breathed as the pain subsided. It had been too long, but worth the wait as Justin picked up the speed, faster tempos matching Joey’s own frenzied strokes of his cock. His blood surged with arousal, near boiling when Justin bent to plant kisses along his shoulders, hot open-mouth caresses that seemed to wake his cells from centuries of slumber, bringing his skin alive like never before.

It was too much to last long, and Joey felt himself going over, with a few faster strokes and a flick at the head of his cock, he came, spilling out onto the bed. His shoulders shook with the force of the orgasm, stomach muscles clenching. Behind him, Justin pulled out and pumped his cock quickly to come himself. Joey turned just in time to see the blissful look flood Justin’s face, his whole body tensing as he came.

Justin fell back to the bed beside Joey, who took the opportunity to stroke Justin through the after shocks, laying his head on Justin’s chest, watching as he worked.

“Joey,” Justin murmured. “Joey, Joey, Joey.”

Amused at Justin’s spaced-out tone, Joey rolled until he could see Justin’s face. “Yeah?”

“Nothing.” Justin sighed. He ran his fingers along Joey’s jaw, scratchy with stubble. “Just Joey.”

“Mmmm. Joey needs a tissue,” he commented. Standing on shaky legs, he grabbed a handful of Kleenex from the bathroom and mopped up. He wet a washcloth for Justin.

“Hey, get dressed,” Joey said. “We’re sleeping in your room.”

“Good idea.” They each dressed silently, then darted into the other room, crawling into bed.

“We getting a wake-up call?” Justin asked.

“Mmmm.” Joey turned out the light and bounced his way down the bed until he was comfortable.

Safe in the dark, he felt Justin’s eyes on him. “Hey Joey?”

“Yeah?”

“We had sex.”

Joey grinned and rolled, wrapping an arm and leg around Justin. “Yup.”

“I’m glad.” And that was it for talking.

**

And so it seemed, they were together. As they returned to Florida for tour prep in Jacksonville, Justin became a presence in Joey’s life-- at his side during most of their waking moments, in his arms while asleep. They were staying in the same room every night, and the bad dreams had not returned.

Joey hadn’t been in a functioning relationship since before Germany, and Justin, well-- never. It took a lot of getting used to, remembering all the things you were supposed to do out of consideration, like not leave toothpaste spit all over the sink because it grossed out your boyfriend.

“It’s hard, sometimes,” Joey confided in Lance after practice one day. “It’s totally worth it, cause things are great, man, but. I dunno. I worry that it’s only a temporary thing for him.”

Lance pursed his lips and thought before replying. “You and Justin have always had a different kind of relationship. I don’t know how to explain it, other than just different. But that part hasn’t changed, so I think that maybe this thing between you- it’s always been there. Some times, relationships are. Well, have you ever stood at a screen door and looked out? You see what’s going on outside, this whole view of the world. But if you stop and focus, you can see the wires and everything behind it blurs. I think relationships are like that, sometimes. We’re so focused on the big world view that we miss the other stuff. You have to really try to see it before you actually do. It doesn’t jump out at you, but when you do see it, you realize it’s been there, between you and everything else, all along.”

Joey started at his friend. “When did you turn all O-Bi-Wan on me?”

Then Lance blushed and was his pale-haired, awkward self again. “Just a thought.”

**

They had a rough two weeks of prep, straining things on every level. Joey and Justin would crawl into bed each night and fall asleep after a few minutes of kisses and caresses. Joey felt the loss of their few brief days together acutely, an ache in his heart each morning as he woke. It had become so much more than a casual thing, and Joey yearned to be with Justin again, to do more than simply lie next to him listening to his deep even breathing in the darkness of night.

The last day of rehearsals, and they all had a day to head to Orlando before the tour began. Joey let his mom feed him his favorite super-stuffed lasagna and gush over how impressed all her friends were with her famous son. It was great to be home, and his family provided welcome distraction from missing Justin. He worried about Justin sleeping alone, wondering if the nightmares would return.

When they reconvened at the venue the next day, he found out.

“It’s our motor home,” JC cried, running over to hug the bus. Joey rolled his eyes and clapped JC on the shoulder as he climbed aboard. Justin was already there, lounging at the table. He raised a hand to Joey, who took it and twined their fingers.

“I think you cured me,” he said smiling.

“No dreams?” Happiness and melancholy bloomed in his heart in equal measure.

“No dreams?”

Joey smiled and kissed Justin’s knuckles. He couldn’t do more, though, because the bus was filling with people, all excited about kicking off the tour. Cured, he thought, and shook with fear settled in his stomach. Justin didn’t need him anymore, but Joey needed Justin. More than anything, he needed Justin and if Justin wasn’t there, he didn’t know what he would do.

Luckily, he didn’t have time to dwell on it, for he would surely go mad if he didn’t have other things to think about. Months of meetings and promo paid off. Being back on stage, Joey was ignited with energy, feeding off of the crowd. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Justin, shining upstage. It was all so perfect when Chris clapped his shoulder as they moved around the stage and Lance smiled.

Perfect, except for one thing: the lingering ache beneath layers of adrenaline and excitement. He was able to push it down until they got off the stage and headed back to the hotel. Not wanting to face rejection, he hurried out of the elevator and into his room. Joey never saw the look of hurt and confusion that crossed Justin’s face when the door closed.

He’d only made it a few steps into the room when the tentative knocking began. Turning, he opened the door again to find Justin there, hand raised to knock.

“What, Justin?”

“I though. I mean. I guess I thought wrong, but I thought we were like, staying together.”

Joey ran a hand through his hair. “Justin, it’s OK. You don’t need to stay with me any more, I got that. Nightmares cured.”

Justin’s face softened, and Joey felt his stomach flip-flop. “Is that what you thought? That I was only staying with you because of that?”

“Wasn’t it?”

“Maybe at first, but not for a long time, Joey. Not for weeks. I thought you understood.”

“I… I thought I did too, but the past few days. I was-- confused.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No. Stay.” Joey drew him into the room and closed the door. “It’s what I want, I swear.” And as Justin hugged him, Joey buried his face in Justin’s curls. “It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

END


End file.
